Greetings beautiful ones!
A friend of mine contacted me this week and said that her head was in total chaos. It had been a week of debauchery since the break-up from her significant other. Her situation reminded me of my own separations, it also reminded me of a time when I began to choose to process the situation differently. A few break-ups ago I discovered something. Coping mechanisms prolong the process.
After having a god-awful break-up. Correction, the break-up wasn’t too bad at all, it was the prelude to the break-up that was far more messy than it needed to be (in hindsight of course). Rather than go drinking, smoke copious amounts of dope or go on a rebound rampage I would allow myself to grieve for the loss of the (albeit toxic) relationship. Instead of distracting myself using coping mechanisms, I just allowed myself to be in whatever it was that I was feeling, be it sadness, anger, gratitude or love.
The second part of the process for me was to do things that nurtured me. Things that fed my soul in some way. I found myself by the water a lot. I took a lot of walks, took up yoga on a daily basis as well as having baths instead of showers (makes a huge difference, I kid you not!). I started writing again, even started working again (I couldn’t find work while my ex and I were in the final stages of our relationship – a blessing now I look back on it). Have you ever noticed that when you clear things out of your life, you make room for new, bigger, better things? Point being that all the things I was doing after our separation were feeding, nurturing and healing me. All of these were things I’d stopped doing.
The lessons I discovered through this process (which have also saved me from having prolonged, soul crushing, gut wrenching, unnecessarily toxic break-ups since) were;
First and foremost listen to yourself. When your body/ spirit/ intuition tells you to leave, leave. Sticking it out forces the universe to deliver bigger signs. Sometimes that makes the situation even more chaotic or messy. Back to basics, listen to yourself and honour what you already know.
Coping mechanisms are what we have picked up along the way that enable us to cope. There’s nothing wrong with having them. Acknowledging that they are coping mechanisms is a healthy way to go about them because that means you have awareness, again, there is nothing wrong with having them. However, spending your time doing things with the intention of healing, feeding or nurturing yourself can be more beneficial than using coping mechanisms. Coping mechanisms are designed to help you cope and not address the truth of the situation, therefore they don’t help you to move forward. Actively healing yourself does help you in moving towards your greater self.
Being in the moment with whatever it is that you’re feeling is being honest with it. It’s facing the truth of it all and once you’ve done that, those feelings don’t need to come back. If you’re feeling them, they’re coming up because they need to be dealt with. Being honest with them and feeling them in a space of no judgment for as long as you need to (could be an hour, could be a day, could be longer) allows you to process them and let them go. This is something that you could use in a lot of situations beyond break ups.
Asking yourself if what you are feeling or thinking is yours to begin with. If they are not yours, you can return them and that will save you tons of time and energy in processing them.
What are some of the things that have helped you in times like this? I would love to hear them! You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Sharing is caring!
What if we could go through the process of letting go and moving forward into our greater selves could with ease and without suffering?
Love, light, joy and ease!