Lessons Learned and Positive Vibrations

Living, learning, evolving and doing it all as positive as one possibly can…


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When A Shit Storm Arises…

What is it that makes us think our trust is being tested?

Let me start at the beginning.

I am a firm believer in letting things happen as they should happen. Knowing that things will work out exactly as they’re supposed to. I am a believer of acting upon your intuition and trusting your gut, also in the law of attraction – put it out there and it will come. Ask for it and it will show up – maybe not as you expected, but it will show up.

So when a shit storm arises and it’s a little bit more challenging to sit comfortably in that really uncomfortable place and trust rather than freak, I mean jump up and force blood out of stones just to feel like something, anything is happening; what is the best way to go about letting the storm pass?

Since I am currently in this space I can only pass on what I know and what I’ve been told. Let’s start with what doesn’t aid the process:

Coping mechanisms, those that do not nurture, heal or feed the body, mind or spirit. These coping mechanisms (you know which ones) create a distraction. When I’m going through something uncomfortable, I used to reach for things that enabled me to escape the feelings I was experiencing. As much as this works in the moment as soon as you’re out of the haze it’s still waiting for you to be dealt with it.

Burying one’s head in the sand: Tried and tested and unfortunately it does nothing to help the situation. As I just mentioned, it may work in the moment but all of those uncomfortable feelings will be exactly where you left them when you decide to return to reality.

Emotional reactions: Now I’ve said that emotional reactions generally don’t help the process to move forward, but not allowing yourself to release or express yourself with your emotions can do the same thing. So, finding balance between the two is key here. Release when you feel to release but don’t do it for longer than you need to. My emotions tend to come out of my eyes in the form of tears, it is something I learnt to do a long time ago. No matter the occasion 97% of the time I will cry. Yet there is a difference between allowing yourself to release knowing it is a release and wallowing in self pity. In my reality, if I don’t release those feelings they bleed into other areas. I become angry at everything and overreact, I lose my balanced, objective self. Releasing is like resetting and preventing that spillage, but there is a difference between that and the pity party or jumping down that rabbit hole of depression.

Now to the things that I’ve found really help:

Being present: As cliché as this may sound and as many times as we’ve heard it – it is true. There’s even a science behind it (there’s an amazing Ted Talk video if you don’t believe me). Going from moment to moment, opening yourself to receiving as much as you can in that moment and being grateful for it helps.

Which leads me to gratitude. The societies we live in (especially the western ones) teach us to yearn for more. We constantly crave for more than what we have be it materially or otherwise so rarely do we think about stopping to give thanks for the awesome things we already have. There are so very many things to be grateful for!

If you’re willing, I’d like to propose a challenge. I challenge you to write 50 or 100 things you’re grateful for. Let me know how that goes and more importantly, how you feel after!

Asking questions: Questions open up possibilities so ask them. “What if…..” or “what would it be like to….” or “what would it take for…”. What if you were to ask for more than material things? What if we asked for conscious change within ourselves and our societies What if we asked for growth and evolution, possibilities and opportunity?

One more thing; ask if it is yours. Why should we go through these emotional tornados and purges if we don’t have to? Remember to ask if what you’re thinking, feeling and experiencing is yours and if it isn’t simply return it to sender.

Before I finish up, I must take the opportunity to show gratitude for all of you. Although I write to share and help others, this is a release and it is nurturing and it is part of my process. So I am grateful, incredibly grateful to you wonderful you for taking the time to join me along this journey, send me love or comment or give me feedback. I think this is part of what connects us, it is how we grow closer as a community and it is a beautiful, beautiful thing!

Sending each one of you love and light, and as a friend of mine said to me today;

“Sending light and love your way, you know how we do, all day, every day. Namaste.”

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xx C xx

 

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Damn Those Coping Mechanisms!

Greetings beautiful ones!

A friend of mine contacted me this week and said that her head was in total chaos. It had been a week of debauchery since the break-up from her significant other. Her situation reminded me of my own separations, it also reminded me of a time when I began to choose to process the situation differently. A few break-ups ago I discovered something. Coping mechanisms prolong the process.

After having a god-awful break-up. Correction, the break-up wasn’t too bad at all, it was the prelude to the break-up that was far more messy than it needed to be (in hindsight of course). Rather than go drinking, smoke copious amounts of dope or go on a rebound rampage I would allow myself to grieve for the loss of the (albeit toxic) relationship. Instead of distracting myself using coping mechanisms, I just allowed myself to be in whatever it was that I was feeling, be it sadness, anger, gratitude or love.

The second part of the process for me was to do things that nurtured me. Things that fed my soul in some way. I found myself by the water a lot. I took a lot of walks, took up yoga on a daily basis as well as having baths instead of showers (makes a huge difference, I kid you not!). I started writing again, even started working again (I couldn’t find work while my ex and I were in the final stages of our relationship – a blessing now I look back on it). Have you ever noticed that when you clear things out of your life, you make room for new, bigger, better things? Point being that all the things I was doing after our separation were feeding, nurturing and healing me. All of these were things I’d stopped doing.

The lessons I discovered through this process (which have also saved me from having prolonged, soul crushing, gut wrenching, unnecessarily toxic break-ups since) were;

First and foremost listen to yourself. When your body/ spirit/ intuition tells you to leave, leave. Sticking it out forces the universe to deliver bigger signs. Sometimes that makes the situation even more chaotic or messy. Back to basics, listen to yourself and honour what you already know.

Coping mechanisms are what we have picked up along the way that enable us to cope. There’s nothing wrong with having them. Acknowledging that they are coping mechanisms is a healthy way to go about them because that means you have awareness, again, there is nothing wrong with having them. However, spending your time doing things with the intention of healing, feeding or nurturing yourself can be more beneficial than using coping mechanisms. Coping mechanisms are designed to help you cope and not address the truth of the situation, therefore they don’t help you to move forward. Actively healing yourself does help you in moving towards your greater self.

Being in the moment with whatever it is that you’re feeling is being honest with it. It’s facing the truth of it all and once you’ve done that, those feelings don’t need to come back. If you’re feeling them, they’re coming up because they need to be dealt with. Being honest with them and feeling them in a space of no judgment for as long as you need to (could be an hour, could be a day, could be longer) allows you to process them and let them go. This is something that you could use in a lot of situations beyond break ups.

Asking yourself if what you are feeling or thinking is yours to begin with. If they are not yours, you can return them and that will save you tons of time and energy in processing them.

What are some of the things that have helped you in times like this? I would love to hear them! You can reach me at beyoubemagical@gmail.com. Sharing is caring!

What if we could go through the process of letting go and moving forward into our greater selves could with ease and without suffering?

Love, light, joy and ease!

C. xxx

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